So, You Wanna Be a Hipster?

In researching how to actualize my transformation, I have developed a set of rules and steps to guide me as I discard my conventional ways.

Now, for those of you in denial about how hipster you already have become, pay attention to this list. I have a feeling some of this may hit close to home....

10 Simple Steps to Becoming a Modern-Day Hipster:

#1. Never refer to yourself as a hipster... Instead, say you are "just different" than everyone else.

#2. Buy a Mac... In my experience, this is essential. No self-respecting hipster would be caught dead at a coffee shop with a PC. 

#3. Lose an ungodly amount of weight by maintaining a diet of PBR, clove cigarettes, and french-press coffee. But never go on an actual diet... that would be conforming to mainstream ideas of body image.

#4. Girls: Grow your hair super long or chop it off super short (of course, cut it yourself!) Guys: Longer hair is better... and you must acquire a humorous amount of facial hair to be respected by your fellow hipsters. 

#5. Create a blog or tumblr account to post your daily insights and emo, black and white pictures. (I am so ahead of the game!)

#6. Delete every song on your iPod and precious MacBook that has ever cracked the Billboard Charts. 

#7. Be Ironic... Make sure EVERYTHING you say is dripping in sarcasm... talk about how you love the Twilight Series because it's ironic, not because you have a thing for teenage, soft-core, vampire porn. 

#8. Throw out all the clothes you have... Then shop only at thrift stores, American Apparel, and Urban Outfitters. When a fellow-hipster comments on your stylish top, be sure to respond with "Oh my gosh... I got this for like five dollars in the Haight."

#9. Perfect the art of name-dropping... Talk about bands no one has heard of, EPs that Pitchfork has underrated, Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg (and anyone else James Franco is playing in his next indie flick), Hunter S. Thompson... it doesn't matter if you know who these people are, as long as you know their names.

#10. Finally, smoke weed... But in moderation and responsibly. Do not be a stoner. Do not do other drugs. Get high with your friends in Golden Gate Park and discuss the tangibility of souls or how our bodies are vehicles for experiencing the physical plane... you get the idea.

Thank you for the pic.